Face Value

I am now of those dubious believes of face value. it is contradicting I know. I was raised to trust nobody wakes up in the morning planning to hurt another human, but then there are the serials killers who plan in weeks maybe even months in advance for their fetish. ok that maybe a bit extreme maybe what the my school and parents was pertaining to me the 'normal'' non serial killer type of homo sapiens.
Now I don't want to go political about the corrupt officials in our nation, Id more like to discuss you common employee who steals , guess their term is borrowed from the office petty cash you know that friendly boss who teats the team for pizza later finding out it was the teams bonus for a job well done. Another is the coach you look up to and makes you believe you fare and lunch came from his pocket years later finding out sports commission has budget for each player. Another is that contractor who takes commission from hard wares each time he orders materials from the supplier therefore the price gets hiked up, The one i feel most bad a bad is that co worker, whom you have considered a friend who tells her financial woes cause he husband is lazy and the kids are sick borrows money you lend and three years after even after not paying a single peso spreads rumors about you.
Why do they do this? You take them at face, value treat them as a mentor a father image a friend yet they betray your trust. Is it because they think their problems are worse than yours? Is it supposedly a compliment that they believe you can handle losing money and will be smart enough to find a way to get up on your feet? I believe its selfishness. Not caring about how it will set you back but most of all about betraying your trust.
In the end I guess I'm just gullible.
BUT I leave this post with this quote.

green eyed monster

if one is to be jealous of ones monster who o what does it destroy? would it destroy the one your jealous of or it empowers while it weakens you and the relationship. a friend once said if shed sheat shed cheat even if you watch her 24/7 cause a certain time youd fall asleep and is shed like or choose to cheat you she will.
My teach in HS taught if there is no trust there is no love.
So how to beat the green eyed monster love someone you can tust and before you do love someone else love yourself first.

sobriety

im dence im an alcoholic

so funny y i became ome. start was cause its just fun, then came illness do i stopped drinking,
then i noticed ppl dont like me as much. well the fun ppl.

so i stated drinking again made wrong decisions again. they say live u life to the fullests. i read that on fb alot, but how does one so that?

my motto  change what u cant and accept what u cant... with vodka

The Start

There was this girl named Claire after St. Claire, I'm not quite sure of the life of St. Claire, nor most of the saints. In as much I was born Catholic.  She was named Claire cause after two older male siblings Clair, Claire's parents wanted to have a baby girl a baby her mom could play dress up with, shop for ladies shoes, share clothes, and talk girly stuff with. So of her mom went to the monastery of St, Claire and offered eggs did the novena to ask be blessed with a baby girl. After a few months, Claire was born. Claire's parents including her eldest brother were ecstatic, the middle was just a year old and was unaware of the 'miracle' the would be part of his life.

Growing up the parents and grandma showed Claire of like a prized trophy made her study in an elite exclusive for girls school which she did fairly well teachers said she was smart bought her dolls, cooking set, the stuff girls usually like. Claire's mom was so happy her mom even talked about love and boys with her as she was nearing high school, They were quite confident she wouldn't fall for the wrong boy, after all, she was in all school girl was obedient a home body even helped out with their business plus both her brothers were to watch over her just in case a boy ill 'hover' her, Was even allowed to a dance at grade 7 with both brothers as escorts.

By second year high though they noticed in as much at Claire has male friends she seems to affiliate more with female friends, especially to one particular female. Then one day bam! It hit them Claire is gay.

Claire by this time you would have guessed is me. My parents confronted me and I like most lesbian girls denied this to my parents. The reason, I felt their disappointment. I tried to be straight even had pretended to have crushes on boys joined girly conversations. But you are who you are and it's a struggle if you pretend to be someone you are not.

For now, this will be my first post and later the struggles that gave me a good, bad and drunk side.